3 Yullen Themes
by Chi Haku
Summary: Three little inspections on what could be the relationships of Kanda Yu and Allen Walker.


**+Espying+**

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><p>He's an idiot.<p>

Kanda is a complete and total and utter idiot and he knows it too.

He could have done the smart thing, he could have kept his distance. He could have stuck by what he said the day he met that cursed boy, and he could have kept the hell back. He could have stayed in his safe little bubble of lotuses and self-loathing, where no one could reach him.

But Kanda didn't, and he knows that makes him an utter fool, a complete idiot. It's too damn late now though, and he knows that too.

He sits quietly on the balcony, his legs dangling over the sheer precipice beneath him. If he falls backwards it will be onto the small concrete balcony itself, but if he falls forwards it will be a drop down several stories to the ground. Either way he could be severely injured, but he knows how to catch himself before he hits the ground.

The sun hangs in bright orange bauble in the sky, rays shooting out towards earth and casting long, trembling shadows. The sky is melting into golds and reds and deep scarlets, and often Kanda would stare at the beauty of it. But not today.

Today he's not thinking about sunsets or countrysides or falling off balconies. Today he's not really thinking about anything he usually would.

He remembers when his thoughts were simple, and with them, his life. He can recall when it was simply a matter of rising in the morning to train and eat, maybe go on a mission, and sleep again. Monotonous, yes, but safe, contained, controlled. This was the life he had lived and he had been content with it. He hadn't wanted anything else, never.

But then… then HE had come barreling into Kanda's life. Him with his cocky smile and his ashen eyes, that snowy hair and almost too perfect way with people. Allen Walker had done away with his simple way of life the moment they met.

A cursed boy, with stunning features and an unfair advantage over the other exorcists. He had pissed Kanda off the minute he talked to him. How dare HE be an abomination and loved, when Kanda was just as much of a monster, and had never felt the same. The minute he had thought this to himself, some months after Allen Walker's arrival, his stomach had , he knew, had been set into motion. Something he didn't want, didn't need, didn't care for at all. But something nonetheless, and something that no amount of ice and denial could halt. No matter how hard he tried.

He was wearing black slacks and a white button down shirt at the moment. The buttons are only done up halfway, either because he's too lazy to do the rest or because he doesn't care, he actually doesn't remember. He's got Chinese style shoes on, the kind he can slip on and off easily, too tired to deal with the belts and buckles of his boots.

His long hair in all its inky darkness is cascading down his back and he stares quietly out at the horizon, looking for something only he knows.

At first Kanda had ignored it, told himself it was nothing, it was stupid, it was foolish. Eventually though even he could not deny the itching in the back of his mind, the tug on his heart, the whisper in his ear. He told himself it was because Allen had cared. He told himself it was because Allen had saved his life, had cared enough and treated him like a human being instead of a soldier. It was true.

But it was, at the same time, utter bullshit.

Nothing about Allen appealed to him until one morning he opened his eyes and saw WHITE. Saw the white of dawn in Allen's hair, the eye of the storm in his eyes, the first mischievous star of the night in his smile. There was no event to bring any of it on, and yet there it was, painfully, brutally, forcing him to choke it down and accept it.

When had he let himself fall like this? He doesn't know, doesn't care, it's too late now, anyway.

He sighs, eyes downcast for a moment before they're steely again. He's not going to move, not until that appearance on the horizon that he's just waiting for. And if that means sitting here all night, he's prepared to do that too.

Quite frankly he's a little sickened by just how smitten he is, it's pathetic, really. And so cliché, like a trashy romance novel from the bookstand, like Lenalee swoons over. Some things he just can't help though, and that sickens him even more.

Their first kiss, it wasn't romantic. It wasn't sweet, or sugar filled, or emotional, or poignant…. Actually, it wasn't even really pleasant. It had been a crush of mouth on mouth, lips bruising and teeth biting and snarls ripping up from their throats. There had been anger, resentment; 'I hate you why can't you hate me?' It had been just like them; heated, dangerous, icy, and yet somehow they managed to work in such a synch that they didn't make each other bleed.

Kanda will never forget that kiss. Not because it was good, god, they'd have so much better since, and not because it was their first. Not it's because it was INTENSE and magical and maddening and perfectly THEM. It had said everything they could never admit. 'I hate you, I love you, why why why?' Opposites, imperfect, monsters, demons, destroyers… Everything one was the other wasn't and yet they were just the same. Pieces of abstract artwork, no two the same, and yet when lined up, side by side, painting an ornate picture.

To the outsider, nothing about them had changed. They yelled, they fought (each other, and the enemy), they cursed and injured and snarled. They still seemed the same. But they knew that things had changed, they knew what every word really meant.

And every training session, when the others had long since left, tired of seeing them beating each other to death, ended with one laid out in the other's lap. They didn't murmur sweet nothings (no, that was to be Allen's job later on) and they didn't comfort one another. Just threaded fingers through soft hair and stroked the other's scalp, smiling their private smiles.

Kanda huffs. He knows he said he'd stay out here but DAMN it is getting cold… And that aside… Well, he sits up straighter and cranes his neck, staring out over the horizon almost desperately. Good things come to those who wait indeed, he has been waiting for weeks now and he DOESN'T want to wait any longer, thank you.

Well, not really waiting. There was fighting involved up until today. And killing. And getting hurt. And Innocence and Akuma and at one point maybe a Noah but he's not sure (that shapeshifter pisses him off, for sure). But it was waiting for him, and that's the important thing.

He sighs again and he's wondering why he's so stupid, which just lands him thinking about all of this all over again. Because Kanda Yu is an idiot, and he knows it too.

And he sits there on the edge of the balcony, trying to espy his lover on the horizon, returned once more from another life or death mission. He knows that this isn't like him, knows that this will kill them both one day. But god he can't stop, doesn't want to stop, is too stupid to stop. He's just going to get in Allen's way, one day, and he's going to get removed from the equation because of it. Allen's going to kill him, one way or another.

Kanda stopped caring about that the minute he stood face to face with him. He just didn't know it till later on.

His eyes light up and he leaps, tipping himself off the balcony and falling through the air. It would seem suicidal but he flips in midair, lands gracefully on the ground, like some oversized black alley cat. He stands to his full height, masking easily the happiness and excitement, though it shines in his eyes. No one ever seems to notice that though, no one but the person walking towards him.

Allen ignores the Finders behind him and darts, straight into Kanda's arms, straight back HOME. He kisses Kanda, even though he knows that his samurai hates it when he does so in front of others…. But it's been months, and he doesn't care if Kanda bites his lips in reprimand as long as he keeps close. Kanda's been too worried to care about the Finders watching them in shock and fascination though, just threads his fingers into Allen's hair and grips tightly.

They don't need words. They kiss and their mouths say everything their words never could. And Kanda will mock Allen later, who knows what about but he will, but Allen won't mind because of this kiss. Because this kiss says 'thank god you're home' and 'fuck I was worried' and 'don't scare me like that, baka Moyashi'. Allen's going to scoff at Kanda later, say some equally cruel things, but that won't keep Kanda from laying beside him at night. This kiss says 'I'm home, thank god, I'm home' and 'I'm sorry don't be angry, I love you'.

Most of all, it says 'I love you, god, I love you I love you I love you'.

Kanda pulls back first and grabs his Allen's, HIS Allen's, hand, dragging him back inside and through the halls back to his room. They could go to Allen's, it's closer, but Kanda's faces the sunrise, and he knows how much Allen likes waking up early and watching the sunlight wash over his skin. Usually he'd remark that it's sappy, but sometimes he lets it be.

He seems to be letting things go a lot more recently. Seems to be agreeing to things he never would and doing things he never thought himself capable of and… God. God it's all Allen's fault. He's standing on uneven ground, not sure where he is, who he is, what he is, anymore. And every time he starts to fall, Allen tilts him back 's on uneven ground too. But Allen is a clown, and he balances on the sheer precipices like they're nothing, laughs whenever Kanda stumbles. He'd begrudge him that but Kanda knows that they're standing on a failing plane, above a field of illusions. And every time one of those tricks seeps through it gets to Allen, which makes Kanda laugh in turn and brush it aside. Somehow they keep going, even though neither of them are sure where or how.

Because one way or another, lovers, friends, comrades, brothers… They were going to kill each other somehow, they were going to go down in flames together, just like they started.

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><p><strong>+Splutter+<strong>

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><p>It was becoming a pretty daily occurrence around here it seemed, or so Noise was thinking to himself. Kanda and Allen would sneak out of the infirmary (unwillingly accompanied by several others) and down to the training hall. Kanda would get the practice swords, Allen would warm up, and then all hell would break loose.<p>

As usual.

Noise sat on the sidelines alone today, listening to the pair fighting each other. He wished he could see them, he'd always wished he could at least see Kanda, they had to be a sight. Listening was good enough though, and rather amusing on the whole.

"What kind of block was that? Your defense is pathetic!"

"Shut up! I'm learning!"

"If this is you learning then I'd hate to see when you don't understand something!"

Noise chuckled to himself at the sounds of an entirely enraged Allen attacking Kanda full force again. They had agreed that he was only to use one arm when they fought, seeing as his other arm would be the sword, in a real fight. Whether this put him at a disadvantage… Well, it was hard to tell when it was the two of them.

They fought so hard against each other, like the other was on the other side of the war, one could never tell the victor. Not even them. Sometimes Kanda won, sometimes Allen won, something they both wore each other out to the point that they collapsed. Noise had always found the dynamic between the two of them interesting, since the moment he had met Allen Walker. Kanda didn't like people, this was a well known fact, there were perhaps three he even remotely relied on, and two he wouldn't admit. He didn't give nicknames either.

Yet the first thing Noise heard him call Allen was 'moyashi'. He didn't know what that meant until Kanda had snapped it in English later (bean sprout, apparently), but he did know it wasn't the worst he could say. Kanda could have called him a hundred vile things, but he had decided on bean sprout… And had stuck with it.

Maybe others found it insulting, but Noise knew it meant something to Kanda. He had, whether intentionally or not, given himself some way to always remember Allen. Kanda sucked with names, but calling someone something as distinctive as moyashi? He couldn't possibly forget it.

"HAH! Who has a weak defense now?"

"Stupid Moyashi, you caught me off guard!"

"I thought you were never off guard, Bakanda!"

"Shut up!"

Allen too, instead of ignoring Kanda, or disregarding him, snapped back at him. He let whatever connection had been tentatively started grow and grow and grow… And whatever it was now, well, Noise wasn't quite sure. Not yet, anyway.

He chuckled to himself in sheer amusement as Kanda snarled predatorily and lunged at Allen. The two were going at it more heatedly than usual today. It seemed somehow, they were more angry at one another, or more frustrated with their injuries… Or something. Their heartbeats were far too calm to just be anger.

Well… Calm wasn't the word. But they weren't angry. Actually calm wasn't the right word at all, come to think of it. More… Excited. Every time they fought it was like they were being revitalized by one another.

They were slowing down though. By now Noise had learned how to read their movements and breathing patterns to tell when they were about to give in. At least physically, anyway.

As he suspected, soon enough, their movements were getting choppy and undignified, and soon after, they halted altogether. Allen and Kanda stood on opposite sides of the field, panting and trying to regain a steady breathing pattern. Noise almost interrupted them to tell them that they'd had a good fight today and well done (which Kanda appreciated even though he didn't say it), but paused.

A little skip in Kanda's heartbeat made him halt, and he suddenly realized that Allen was marching forward, and he could feel the anger flowing off of him. Or was it anger? Sometimes, when it was the two of them and no one else around (that they paid any mind to) it was so hard to tell. Like their signals were getting all mixed up and confused.

"What the hell was that last move? You knew I couldn't block that!" Allen snarled.

"Tch, then obviously you'd be dead in real combat."

A low growl tore its way out of Allen's throat.

"Damnit Kanda you're supposed to be TEACHING me not showing me how to get killed!"

"I am teaching you! And if you can't figure it out it's not my problem!"

"It is your problem! What if we're in a fight together and I can't help you because your shoddy teaching didn't help me?"

"My teaching isn't shoddy! And I wouldn't need your help anyway!"

Oh my. Noise knew where this argument was headed now. The same place it always seemed to go when they were particularly angry at one another. The 'who's better' angle, apparently.

"Hah! That's a riot! The amount of times you've needed MY help could fill a book or two!"

"As if Moyashi! I've helped you way more times than you've helped me and we both know it!"

Actually, Noise had to think, they'd both helped each other countless times, and would deny it every time save when arguing.

Allen stomped right up to Kanda, getting in his face and Noise knew it, even though he could only hear them.

"Why must you always start these stupid, childish arguments Kanda?"

"Childi-? You're the one who starts all of this Moyashi!"

"It's ALLEN for the love of god would it KILL you to say my name?"

"The day you stop acting like a spoiled brat, maybe!"

"Oh so I'm a spoiled brat now, am I? Well then what does that make you, a pampered princess?"

This time, Kanda snarled and Noise could just imagine him clenching his fists and resisting the urge to slam said fist into Allen's face.

Usually, about now, one of two things happened. One, someone threw a punch (sometimes after one more, sparking insult), or two, they both glared, huffed, and walked away from each other. This was pretty much the standard norm for these fights, always had been, as far as Noise could remember. Today however, something different happened.

Allen sighed in something between defeat and exasperation.

"Why must you always make things so damn difficult Kanda?"

There was the sound of clothes moving, then a sudden yelp from Kanda and the scuffing of shoes on dirt. Had Allen just grabbed Kanda's shirtfront…? He usually only did that when he was going to punch him, but his heartbeat was much too calm. Then everything went dead silent.

Noise was confused for a moment, and he had to hum softly to himself to get his echolocation working again so he could see. A moment later and his cheeks tinted pink with surprise and embarrassment, kind of wishing he'd been left in the dark with their confusingly quick heartbeats.

Allen was kissing Kanda.

ALLEN was KISSING Kanda.

Full on the mouth, hands gripping his shirt and keeping him still, and apparently unfazed, according to his calm (but quick) heartbeat. Noise suddenly felt like he was intruding on something very, very, very private and a very long time in the making.

After what might have been an eternity, Allen pulled back and sighed again.

"I wish you'd stop being so confusing, Bakanda."

And then he turned around and walked away, leaving a gaping, spluttering Kanda in his wake.

"I don't- That's just- WHAT?"

Noise laughed, and Kanda's heartbeat skittered, apparently having forgotten he was there.

"It's called a 'kiss', Kanda." he said in amusement.

"I KNOW WHAT A KISS IS!"

Kanda lapsed into angry sounding snarls and grumbles about bean sprouts and boiling them alive (or something like that). Noise just chuckled though, thoroughly amused. They both knew that he could hear Kanda's heartbeat, thundering in excitement.

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><p><strong>+Disorganize+<strong>

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><p>Through the copious amounts of food disappearing into Allen Walker's stomach, one could hear the occasional word or two, sometimes even a full sentence. Not many could piece together the fragmented words and phrases between the mouthfuls, not even Lenalee could get things straight sometimes. However the person sitting next to Allen was quite adept at reading him with and without words.<p>

Kanda just listened, quietly eating his own food and listening to his chattering lover. Allen had always been the talker of the two of them, and no one needed to tell either of them that. Allen could talk them in and out of all manner of situations, and since they'd begun their relationship, Kanda had started to back down and let him. It got him into a lot less trouble, and Allen didn't scold him later.

Not that he cared if Allen scolded him. Honest.

Since beginning a relationship with Allen, he'd also managed to expand his diet a little in the public eye. Honestly, before Allen he'd eat more than just soba and tempura, just not in front of people. Now though, he'd learned to eat along with his lover, and it was serving him better. At least people didn't think he was one of Komui's robots now or something.

This morning it was sweet rice and raisins, which was his breakfast most mornings when he woke up before others. But Allen had had several bowls of the stuff back when they had started dating, and Kanda had taken one without a word, just so Allen would stop nagging him about it. The whole cafeteria had stared.

It was normal now, and seeing the two exorcists sitting and eating in the mornings was as daily of an occurrence as Kanda nearly slicing Lavi open.

To the outside observer, Allen looked like he was talking to himself, but most of those close to him knew better by now. Allen could read Kanda Yuu like an open book, the samurai didn't need to speak to have Allen understand him. They could sit in utter silence and know what the other wanted to say and how they wanted to say it.

Kanda put down his chopsticks and rose quietly, knowing Allen, in true gentlemen fashion, would insist on taking his dishes for him. He was used to small gestures like that by now, and no longer found any insult in them like he used to.

He paused after slipping from the bench of the table they had been sitting at. He didn't say anything, but Allen heard his question through his body language. He swallowed a huge mouthful of food and wiped his mouth with a napkin. Kanda didn't like when he was messy, he knew that by now.

"It's on top of my dresser, left hand corner." he said simply, earning odd stares from some of the finders passing by. "The red one, right?"

Kanda nodded. Indeed, he had been, without words, asking about his red hair cord, which had somehow been left in Allen's room. Probably on one of the lazy days that they just sat in the window seat and he let Allen play with his hair.

Usually, Kanda would just leave, letting Allen know his appreciation later on, or not at all and leave it unsaid. But sometimes Allen was just a little too bright eyed, or smiling a little too sweetly to resist, and sometimes Kanda just WANTED to. Today it was because they'd been on separate missions for the past month and he'd missed his Moyashi.

Leaning over, Kanda kissed the corner of Allen's lips much to some of the onlooker's shock. Allen smiled as his lover pulled back, brushing his finger over the spot. He always treasures public shows of affection for their rarity. Kanda was happy to show him all the love he wanted behind closed doors, but it was so hard to get the Japanese teen to open up around others.

Kanda walked off, out of the dining hall and through the hallways of the Order, strutting in his usual way, head held high. At the beginning of his relationship with Allen, they had gotten a lot of grief. Specifically himself. No one but Allen's (now their) close friends thought they were right together. Everyone else wanted to get the tainted Second away from their precious Destroyer of Time.

By now though, those who still had an issue with them had long since learned they were far outnumbered. At this point, if they didn't like it, they kept their mouths shut. If they didn't? Well, apart from Kanda and Allen putting them on their hate lists, just about all the exorcists did and a good majority of the Science Department.

Walking to Allen's room from the dining hall wasn't a particularly long walk, nor was it a very interesting one. Kanda had taken the walk a hundred times, he was used to it, and it wasn't uncommon to see him going that way so no one commented. Some did stare because his hair was down, but he'd been half asleep this morning and he hadn't worn a hair band the night before.

The door to Allen's room was rarely locked, but if it was, Kanda generally had a key. It wasn't locked today, and considering he'd been the one to close the door, he knew that. Half-asleep, he usually didn't lock doors, not that he would ever admit that, because then Lavi would know exactly when to try and get into his room to go snooping through his stuff.

Kanda opened the door and stepped into the room, turning his eyes straight to the dresser he was looking for. And sure enough there it was, but his hair chord? Nowhere to be seen, at least not under the piles and piles and piles of….STUFF.

Kanda outright winced as he looked around the room, glaring at everything but the bed. Allen's bed was always neat, firstly out of habit and second because Kanda refused to sleep on it when it wasn't. His lover had learned that the hard way.

Other than the bed, and the window seat, which were the two most frequently occupied areas of the room, the place was a mess. Food cartons and drink bottles littered the floor, the odd magazine or newspaper stuffed under a dresser or into a corner. There were still chests and crates and weird looking things that Kanda didn't want to know the origin of from when Allen got the room. The dresser was spilling clothing and the top was covered in more of the same from the floor. Mission briefings and drafts of reports were here and there in places, and there was a path to the bed, the only place you could see the floor.

Kanda sighed, resting his hands on his hips. Love Allen that he did (and he did), when his lover really didn't care about something; it showed. They were away from home so much that leaving the occasional take out box or paper didn't seem so bad until one's room was in this condition. Kanda's room was practically barren, which didn't mean he'd like Allen's room to be the same, just that he was personally…. Well, he liked things neat.

Kanda shook his head.

"Just here for the chord." he muttered to himself.

He knew this was just another part of Allen's enigmatic personality, another little quirk that couldn't quite be explained. Still though, it irked him a little sometimes.

Taking a deep breath, Kanda made his way over to the dresser, looking in vain for his hair chord. He rolled his eyes and began to move things aside, looking for it in the vain hope that it might be easy to find. But of course, when is anything that simple, really? Sure, he found the scarlet chord, on the left corner, just like Allen had said. He just found it underneath three mission briefs from six months ago, an old newspaper, a bottle of finished soda and a chip bag. But it was right where Allen had said it was, and untouched by crumbs too.

Kanda pulled his hair back, the chord between his teeth, tugging his hair into the usual style he wore it in, and held it with one hand. He used the other to wrap the chord around the dark locks and tied it, checking to make sure it would hold. Once it held, he turned back to the door, and was once more faced with the disaster area he'd come into.

He stared for a moment, fighting with himself internally. Allen would be expecting him to show up in the training room or the workout room, or somewhere else around the Order. And he hated worrying Allen anymore than he had to, after all, they were worried enough when they had to go on separate missions. No use being worried when they were home.

But at the same time, this room was driving him up a wall. Not usually, usually he was too busy with Allen in one way or another to care. But right now, when he was just standing here…

Kanda groaned. There went today's training.

Hours and hours passed, and while Allen was disappointed to not see his lover anywhere, it wasn't odd. Kanda often disappeared to places Allen either didn't know about or couldn't find. It wasn't that Kanda avoided him either, they'd had that conversation ages ago, it was just that he still wasn't quite so used to….well, people. Before Allen he'd been his own separate entity, and sometimes he still needed that space.

Allen understood, and he didn't begrudge him that. Hell, sometimes HE needed space from everyone too. It was just something they'd come to understand about one another.

However when, by lunch, Kanda still had not been seen, Allen was getting a little restless. Nervous? No, if there was anyone who knew that Kanda could take care of himself, it was Allen. But he was starting to miss him and wish he could find him, which made him easily distracted and not very good company for others.

Of course, when Kanda didn't want to be found, no one was going to find him. So Allen knew it was useless roaming the Order, where he knew he was likely to get lost, searching for him. Instead, he decided to return to his room and maybe take a nap or something.

What he hadn't expected, when he opened his door, was to find his generally disorganized room, to be entirely spick and span. He gaped at the floor (oh, wait, it was black tile? He didn't remember that…), then the neatened dressers, closed chests, straightened picture frames… And there, sitting on his bed, looking a little worn, was his lover. Allen swept the now entirely spotless room with his eyes again, then looked in astonishment at Kanda. The samurai looked sheepish, a small flush creeping up his cheeks.

"It was getting to me." he muttered, avoiding eye contact.

Allen blinked at Kanda, then swooped down on him and pulled him into his arms. Kanda didn't protest, secretly very much happy to be held by his lover. Allen pressed a kiss to his jaw, nuzzling his neck affectionately and making the sheepish blush rise higher on Kanda's cheeks.

"You know if my room was bothering you, you could have just asked me to clean it." he murmured against Kanda's cheek, pressing another kiss there.

Kanda still averted his eyes, which Allen knew was a true sign his Japanese lover was very much embarrassed.

"I didn't plan on it, it just kind of got to me today." he grumbled.

Allen gave him an amused smile.

"You never do something on impulse." he said.

Kanda shifted, pressing back ever so slightly into Allen's arms.

"Yeah well….you make me do stupid things, baka Moyashi."

Allen laughed, pulling Kanda down onto the bed to cuddle him, and for once, his lover decided not to protest.


End file.
